Ric Vrana, 12/21/2009

Current Occupation: Planner for a metropolitan transit agency and part time adjunct in the school of urban planning in the same city.
Former Occupation: Various full and part time faculty positions and before grad school I was an electrician because every guy should have a trade.
Contact Information: Ric Vrana has been a mechanic, a water treatment operator, a warehouseman, an electrician, a professor and a planner. Now he works making maps for the bus company. The best decision he ever made was to jump bail.

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Annual Performance Review

First let me express my pleasure

once again for the opportunity

to write up my Self Evaluation

portion of our company’s

annual performance review.

As you know, this has been a year

where I have been singularly brilliant

in rising to every challenge and

enjoying each new twist and tangle

of this joyous effort we call “work”.

Although I cannot tell for sure if

I met or exceeded the as yet unpublished

expected outcomes benchmarks,

I feel confident I can report

sustained achievement in several critical areas.

My production of interoffice memos has risen

to the point where every employee in the unit

receives several from me each week.

Also, as my appointments log will show,

I have frequently been attending two meetings at once.

I take credit for having successfully trained

the four young college graduates hired

to directly supervise me and

I finish this year with eight of my ten

vacation days unused, and unmissed I say.

I feel confident I have made improvement

over last year’s catastrophic performance,

that ended in that unfortunate fire,

the law suit from which incident so slowly

makes its way through the civil courts.

As detailed in my Work Plan

you so generously agreed to provide,

I no longer fall sleep in front of my computer,

I’ve reduced my bathroom breaks, and now recycle

all food wrappers from my two meals a day at the desk.

Beginning this year with my kids in high school

I should be able to bring my weekly hours

up to the average of 50, enjoyed by our co-workers

and evening meetings in public venues will no longer

find me arriving in a state of inebriation.

As for the rogue email that “got away”

I think we can all recall unfortunate utterances

made in haste and ignorance about upper management

and all that flirting with the admin assistants,

that’s a two way street, honestly.