Current Occupation: Teaching Assistant, wherein I spend part of my time working at the College Writing Center: not making that up.
Previous Occupation: Years ago I was a movie projectionist where I was often left alone, so I slept on the job now and then, between start times, but never scratched a film.
Contact Information: Leonard Owens III is a humble student at Daytona State College who likes sleep, but gets very little, so he stays up and writes instead. Poems of his can be found at Daily Love, Dead Flowers: A Poetry Rag, and Downer Magazine, and short stories of his can be read at Fiction365, Every Day Fiction, and Free Flash Fiction. Hopefully, more of his stuff will be accepted by various journals of awesomeness soon. If not, he’ll just keep writing anyway.
The Failed Application
My name is Leonard Owens III and WORK may be the perfect place for an email I wrote a ways back. I am a student, and for a long while I have wanted to work at the Writing Center on campus, but they kept slamming the door in my face, never even responding to my applications. A couple days after being told, in person, they needed no more help, I saw a posting on the “Job Board” advertising that they did need help. A bit miffed, I sent them the email I have attached for you to read. I figure it might fit into your wish list under “failed resumes/cover letters.” The only changes I’ve made are to the names and numbers. Hope you enjoy it.
My name is Lenny Owens and I am extraordinarily interested in working at the College Writing Center. I have submitted applications in the past, both to be a peer tutor or an assistant, and have not had the luck of the draw I suppose (I recently filled out a paper application for the position, but am emailing to cover my bases). I would prefer to be a peer tutor, as I plan to one day earn my Ph.D and become an English professor, so tutoring would almost be invaluable as hands-on experience in my field of choice. That said, I would happily settle for manning the front desk, directing students where they need to go, refilling the occasional coffee cup (even though I loathe the stuff myself).
At the risk of sounding arrogant or egotistical, I find it hard to believe you would find a much more qualified candidate than me. I have a 4.0 GPA; am an excellent writer (ask Dr. Lilly, or any teacher I’ve written for, and I’m sure they will agree); am actually a published author on a couple smaller fiction sites (I know what you’re thinking, that anyone can get published these days – trust me, it ain’t that easy); have loads of experience as a stage actor that translates well to dealing with people and conveying ideas via talking (even in a “text” world, talking is still king); have given numerous speeches (I hosted a multicultural show for Prof. Mathis on campus last year, as well as delivering the keynote speech at the DSC adult education graduation ceremony); have loads of experience typing in MS Word (and Word-like programs — though, I must admit, my PowerPoint and Excel game is pretty lame) along with other PC skills I feel are valuable; I’m a practiced “brain-stormer” and can bring many ideas to help students, and staff, with problem solving. In summation, I know I can do this job, as tutor or assistant, if given the chance.
I’m sure this email is not typical of what students send you when inquiring about an open position, and you may not like it (or perhaps you do), but I have taken the time to write an entertaining and well-thought email in the hopes I may leave an impression, or at the very least provide something entertaining for you (and maybe even your colleagues) to laugh at. I feel it better in this instance to break the wall rather than be another brick in it.
Thank you for taking to time to read my scribbling, and I hope you do consider me, and I hope you have a nice day as well.
– Lenny Owens
Full name: Leonard Owens III
Student ID#: 654789
Phone #: I ain’t that easy.