In Like Flint, 4/3/2011
Excerpted transcript of the cinematic masterpiece In Like Flint
Directed by Gordon Douglas
Written by Hal Fimberg
Starring James Coburn, Lee J. Cobb and Jean Hale
20th Century Fox Film Corporation
Nora: Ladies, this, of course, is Derek Flint.
Nora: Miss Elisabeth.
Flint: Miss Elisabeth.
Nora: Miss Simone.
Flint: Miss Simone.
Nora: And Miss Helena.
Flint: Miss Helena.
Flint: I know all of you ladies. Fashions, cosmetics, publications, communications. You’re all very famous ladies. What you don’t manage, you control. What you don’t control, you infuence. What you don’t infuence, you probably one day will inherit, hmm?
Miss Elizabeth: That’s very well put, Mr. Flint. Don’t you agree, ladies?
Voiceover (cut to monitor showing rocket): All silo personnel stand by. Ready for missile loading.
Miss Elizabeth: Excellent. Excellent.
Flint: Well, I must say that this is quite a sight for a mere man to be present here among all of you. This, uh, summit conference of brains and beauty, all sitting here watching a rocket being prepared. Now, what could that mean? Uh… those Russian ladies flying aro–You’re in control of the space platform?
Miss Simone: He’s really very clever.
Miss Elizabeth: Mr. Flint, you’re really quite intelligent for a man.Yes, yes. But it’s getting late, and there’s still a great deal to be done. Run along, Mr. Flint. All your questions will be answered tomorrow. As soon as Project Damocles is complete, we shall return.
Flint: Project Damocles?
Miss Elizabeth: Project Damocles.
Flint: Project Damocles that calls for nuclear energy to be used as a threat?
Miss Elizabeth: Correct.
Flint: That’s a totally discredited idea, ladies. No one in his right mind could ever–
Nora: Miss Elisabeth, we can’t let him leave here now.
Miss Elizabeth: No, my dear. You’re quite right. Don’t be so nervous, Mr. Flint. There’s nothing to worry about. By this time tomorrow, women will be running the world. And then you will see how quickly everything will settle down.
Flint: Women running the world? (laughs) Oh you can’t, Well now, you can’t be serious.
Nora: Why not, Mr. Flint?
Miss Elizabeth: Yes, why not? Oh, come now, Mr. Flint. How many businesses are actually being run by secretaries, mistresses, wives? If the boss goes away for a few days, does the work stop? No, of course not.
Flint: That’s probably true, but I can’t imagine…
Miss Simone: You can’t imagine how we poor, dear ladies can cope with it all?
Miss Simone: Face it, Mr. Flint.We women are outliving you. The wealth of this country, of the world, is concentrated in our dishpan hands. In the laboratories, our reflexes are quicker than yours, our manual dexterity 20% percent higher, and our patience a damn sight longer.
Flint: All right. Granted all of that. Now, what’s your hurry? Why don’t you just wait? It’ll all fall right into your laps. Uh, you will still have laps when you’re all wearing the pants, I assume. But what about the millions of women throughout the world who may not see your little plan just the way you do?
Miss Elizabeth: Did you say millions?
Flint: Millions, yes.
Miss Elizabeth: My dear, show Mr. Flint how the hair dryer works.Go ahead, Mr. Flint. I think you’ll be quite interested.
Flint: Hair dryer? I suppose when the hair is wet, the current is conducted and the programming received. Brain and hair washing at the same time.
Flint: You really think you can get away with this?
Miss Elizabeth: Get away with it? Oh, Mr. Flint, think a minute. Think. Now then, hair dryers like these have been in use for some time, correct?
Flint: Yes, correct.
Miss Elizabeth: Very well. For many years now, every time a woman went into a beauty shop, she came out a little bit more dissatisfied with a man’s world. We’ve been busy, Mr. Flint. I think you’ll find the contented housewife is a thing of the past.